


there's no way that we could rewind

by mychemicalclifford



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Hot Tub Sex, Insecure Michael, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Serenading, Tour Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:04:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mychemicalclifford/pseuds/mychemicalclifford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The smug smirk reappears on Luke’s face. “I didn’t sleep with her. We made out for a while, that’s it.” He wraps his legs around Michael’s waist, using his strength to push their crotches together again. “You’re the one I want to fuck, Michael.”</p><p>Michael’s heart stutters. He can read the sincerity in Luke’s wide blue eyes, practically feel the arousal thrumming through him that matches Michael’s body perfectly.  Still, he hesitates. Michael is a more cautious person than he lets on and he can see the dangerous slope he and Luke are heading down. There is definitely a rule somewhere that it’s against the band code to fuck your bandmate. Ashton could probably recite it to them.</p><p>-</p><p>Or this is what happens when Michael and Luke hook up over the course of the ROWYSO tour and pretend they aren’t in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there's no way that we could rewind

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on Michael and Luke being more Muke AF than anyone lately. They've been all over each other this tour and I needed to write about it. 
> 
> This is my first attempt at Michael's POV so I hope you guys like it. Enjoy!

Michael’s mind has glazed over. He’s reduced to the brain-dead zombie he only becomes after a day of serious jetlag, an interview, sound check and a show all piled one after another. Lying sprawled over his bed, he stares numbly at the television in front of him, not seeing anything but blurred colors before his eyes.  

It takes him a few minutes before Michael realizes the muffled banging he hears isn’t coming from the TV but the real world, outside his hotel room. He blinks slowly, everything sharpening back into focus as a familiar, nasal laugh echoes from the hallway. He hears what sounds like Calum’s slurred voice asking to be let into his room before the pounding on his door starts again.

“Coming,” Michael mutters, not loud enough to be heard. He rolls off the bed and slouches reluctantly over to the door.

Luke’s drunk. Michael can tell the moment he lays eyes on him. His tall bandmate is clinging to the doorframe, using it to prop him up and keep him from falling on his ass. His blue eyes are glassy and unfocused, a lazy smirk on his lips that only appears on special occasions, such as when he’s been drinking his body weight with Cal.

“Hi Mikey.” Luke hums. His voice is low, unintentionally seductive. Michael forces himself not to fall for it this time, just as behind Luke Calum fails to enter his room, walking into the wall instead. The bassist swears as he cradles his face while Ashton cackles loud enough to wake the whole floor.

Michael’s distracted by it, missing the way Luke hooks his long fingers into his shirt until it’s too late. He looks back just as Luke releases the doorframe, switching his hold to Michael’s body as he leans in and kisses him. Michael yelps in shock against his lips, staggering back from Luke’s full weight on him as the blonde tightens his grip. Michael registers the strong taste of Vodka lingering on Luke’s mouth before he pulls away.

“ _Luke_.” Michael hisses. He tears Luke off of him and slams the door shut before Calum or Ashton can see them. “What the hell are you doing?”

By then Luke has tottered over to Michael’s bed, ignoring his own perfectly made one as he flops down. He grins at Michael, shrugging innocently. “I don’t know. Your mouth looked good.” His drunk bandmate’s attention flits away as he tries to remove his boots, tugging uselessly at the shoes without unzipping them. He peers up at Michael with a pout. “Mikey help!” He whines.

“Oh my god.” Michael huffs, dropping down like the pathetic, whipped soul he is to take Luke’s shoes off for him. Luke wiggles his feet happily in Michael’s lap when he’s done and then slumps down on the bed, taking up the space Michael had been comfortably occupying before. Michael rolls his eyes to himself as he stands up. “Where do you find the fucking energy?”

He leaves Luke struggling to find the remote as he disappears into the bathroom, retrieving the small trashcan for when Luke will inevitably puke at some point during the night. Michael has become an unwilling pro at dealing with Luke in his drunk and hungover states, stemming from years of practice. It brings him a small comfort that Ashton is handling a drunk Calum as well, especially since Calum is a lot more rowdy and obnoxious when he’s wasted compared to Luke.

Michael drops the bin next to Luke and grabs a water bottle from his bag. He unscrews the top and tries to give it to Luke, but the blonde shakes his head petulantly. “No, I don’t wanna drink it.”

Michael sighs. “Come on, Lukey. You’ll feel better in the morning if you drink it now.”

Luke doesn’t give in, crossing his arms like a five year old refusing to eat his vegetables.

“You’re fucking impossible.” Michael grumbles. Luke just smirks infuriatingly as Michael rounds the bed and sits down beside him. Luke stares at him as Michael tries to think up a solution. Anything to spare him from the cranky monster Luke turns into when he’s suffering a cruel hangover.

Michael straightens up suddenly when the idea pops into his head. Luke regards him curiously at Michael turns to him, now being the one to wear a smirk. “If I blow you, will you drink the damn water?”

Michael’s smirk widens victoriously when he sees the way Luke’s blue eyes light up in interest. He knows how horny their lead singer gets when he’s drunk. Luke has stolen a kiss from all of them at some point while intoxicated, though Michael smugly recalls _he_ has received the most. He would bet money Luke is at least half-hard right then.

“Okay.” Luke says finally. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, gnawing at his lip ring as he waits for Michael to make the first move.

Michael sets the water down. He doesn’t let his exhausted brain think too hard about it. It seems like a simple solution to his problem then. Michael is rather excellent at blowjobs and it will put Luke right to sleep once he’s done, allowing Michael to sleep as well. Quick head between friends, no big deal.

Michael crawls over to sit between Luke’s long legs, reaching down to undo his belt. He can feel Luke’s eyes burning on him, probably waiting for Michael to back out. Or maybe he’s just eager to have Michael’s mouth on him. Either way, Michael is a man of his word and isn’t going to take it back then. He pulls Luke’s skinny jeans off, tossing them to the floor, and then goes for his boxers.

Luke shivers once he’s bare. Michael quickly moves in closer, bringing his body heat in as he runs his hands up Luke’s inner thighs, warming him up. His eyes land on Luke’s cock, resting on the blonde’s flat stomach, fully hard and flushed a beautiful pink. Michael always thought Luke had a pretty dick, though he wisely kept those comments to himself. It’s slender and long, the round tip matching the pale shade of Luke’s lips perfectly.

Michael takes it into his palm, circling his finger around the slit teasingly. A soft moan spills from Luke’s mouth, precome leaking out and coating Michael’s finger. He drags it down the shaft, wrapping his fingers loosely around Luke as he strokes up.

Luke whines, making Michael flick his eyes up at him. He catches Luke’s frown. “You said a blowjob, Mikey.”

Michael chuckles. “That I did.”

He cups his hand around the base of Luke’s cock, holding it still for Michael to sink his mouth on to. He keeps his eyes open, watching as Luke drops his head back onto the pillow and swears. Michael takes him in further, relaxing his jaw as he swallows down Luke’s dick until the tip grazes the back of his throat.

Luke moans, the loud noise echoing through their hotel room. Michael can only hold him there for a few seconds before his eyes start to water. He slides his cock out slowly, lapping his tongue in skilled flicks that have Luke’s hips twitching on the bed, his fingers clutching onto the sheets. Michael seizes Luke’s waist to hold him still so he doesn’t gag and the other boy cries out.

“Fuck, fuck!” Luke swears, his eyes squeezed shut. Michael bobs his head faster, slipping Luke’s dick in and out of his mouth in hurried stripes. He feels Luke’s stomach clench tellingly under his hands. “M-mikey! ‘M gonna come!”

Michael pulls off of him for a moment, enjoying the sight of Luke all worked up beneath him. His breaths come in labored pants, his cheeks filled by a warm blush. So beautiful and all for Michael, just for tonight at least. “Come, Luke.” Michael orders, his voice already hoarse from Luke’s cock down his throat. “Wanna taste you on my tongue.”

Luke whimpers at his words. Michael’s lips wrap around Luke’s cock again just in time to feel it twitch. He does taste Luke’s come as it spurts out and swallows it down as the rest of Luke’s body writhes through his orgasm, unable to sit still. Michael slides his mouth off again as Luke’s moans gradually fade, turning to soft pants. Michael sits up, wiping the remaining spit off his chin while Luke catches his breath.

Luke lowers his arm from where it was thrown over his face and finds Michael holding out the bottle of water to him. Luke takes it without complaint, chugging down half of it. Michael plucks Luke’s boxers from the floor and hands those over as well.

After Luke tugs them on, he sends Michael a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Don’t get mushy.” Michael warns. “It was just a compromise, okay?”

Michael rolls on his side and brings the blanket up to cover his body. He’s beyond exhausted. Just as his eyes fall closed, he hears Luke’s soft whisper. “Sure it was.”

xxxx

Michael’s deep sleep is interrupted by Ashton’s voice shouting through the door. “Michael! Luke! Get up! Our flight’s in forty five minutes!”

Predictably, both Michael and Luke keep sleeping. It’s why they make the perfect roommates on tour. Neither of them feel compelled to wake up early for breakfast like their bandmates or have a problem with ignoring their wake-up calls in favor of more sleep.

Michael snuggles back into his warm blanket cocoon. The peace doesn’t last long, of course. Soon the hotel door bangs open and a very irritated drummer strides into the room, their bassist on his heels.

“For fuck’s sake!” Ashton snaps, his voice way too loud for this early in the morning. “I can’t believe you two are _still_ sleeping!”

“I can’t believe you won’t _shut up_.” Luke answers sarcastically.

Michael snickers into his pillow. He loves pissy morning Luke, when _he_ isn’t on the receiving end of Luke’s wrath, that is.

Michael lets out a rather unmanly squeak when a hard smack lands on his ass. He hears Luke receive one as well, the blonde boy muttering swears in annoyance. “Get up.” Ashton says, tone stern. “You have fifteen minutes to get downstairs. Or your asses can walk to the airport.”

The door clicks shut behind them when their leave. With a groan Michael forces his head up. He tries to shift over, but feels Luke’s arm locked around his waist. _Shit_. Cuddling while they slept is one thing in this band, but cuddling after Michael sucked him off is something else entirely. Michael throws Luke’s arm away from him and quickly climbs out of bed, pretending not to hear Luke whine in protest.

Michael strips and gets into the shower, making a hasty use of the hotel’s soap over his body. He expects Luke will stay sleeping until the last minute and Michael will have to drag him out of bed, as he has many times before. Their lead singer is the polar opposite of a morning person, even worse than Michael. Only this time, Michael’s prediction of his best friend’s habits falls short.

Michael is rinsing the last of the soap from his face when the glass door slides open behind him and someone steps into the shower. His eyes snap open when Michael feels something brush his arm and he spins around, finding a naked Luke Hemmings standing beside him.

“What the fuck?” Michael shouts. Though Luke has seen him naked over a hundred times, he still feels the instinct to cover himself from his eyes.

Luke stares back at him calmly, like everything is totally normal. “I need to shower. We only have ten minutes.”

Michael scrambles to make sense of his logic. “You couldn’t have waited until I got out?”

Luke ignores Michael’s incredulous reaction, reaching for the soap with ease. He starts coating it over his body, only pausing to glance at Michael. “Can you move over? I need to rinse off.”

Michael stares at him. There aren’t many boundaries left between him and Luke or him and the rest of the band, really. With Luke in particular, the line between best friends and something more has always seemed blurry. Michael knows for sure though, that this a line he refuses to cross over. He and Luke are _not_ suddenly boyfriends who shower together.

Instead of answering, Michael pushes past Luke to step out of the shower. He snatches a towel and dries off quickly, rushing to pull on his clothes as the countdown in his head continues. Once Luke emerges from the bathroom and dresses, they gather their things, reaching the elevator with two minutes to get outside.

Ashton and Calum are waiting for them impatiently, leaning against their car. Cal has his sunglasses on, blocking out the bright sunlight from his weak, hungover eyes. Luke winces when the sunlight hits him and Michael silently hands over Luke’s sunglasses, having grabbed them before they fled the room.

Luke beams at him in thanks and Michael turns away, the nagging filling his head again. He’s just being a good friend, nothing more. Yet as the settle in for their drive to the airport, it’s his shoulder that Luke rests his head on. It’s the image of Luke’s naked body that waits behind his closed lids. Always Luke.

xxxx

It happens the same way every time. Weeks will go by, sometimes even months, without what Michael refers to as an _incident_. Then suddenly another incident appears. First Michael catches himself admiring Luke one too many times under the stage lights at the Dublin show. He can't help himself with the way Luke just  _glows_ as he sings, totally in his element, like a blazing star. Michael calls him a sweaty angel in front of everyone, but it's worth the jokes Calum and Ashton make at his expense, with the way Luke smiles at him.  

In Birmingham, Luke and Michael get into a lighthearted arguement over Luke's strength with his larger size and broad shoulders versus Michael's arm strength from guitar playing and "cat-like reflexes". Michael proves himself by carrying Luke across the stage bridal-style. The joke Calum made about him finally putting a ring on it and becoming Luke's husband had burned Michael's cheeks with his blush. Then Luke walks around in Michael’s favorite Blink-182 hoodie for a week and refuses to let anyone, including Michael, take it away from him. Luke claims he loves it just because “ _it smells like you, Mikey_ ”.

It’s these incidents that make Michael stop and question his relationship with Luke, question himself and his feelings too. Most of the time Michael can shrug it off, push his worry to the back of his head to deal with another time. Or never, really. Michael considers himself a simple creature and he isn’t fond of anything complicated. If he doesn’t look too hard or too close, then he and Luke are fine. Sure, he loves the blonde boy probably more than anyone. Luke never get annoyed when Michael acts too clingy. He'll even rub Michael's tummy if Michael asks nicely. Luke knows everything about him, all the secrets and deepest feelings Michael has confessed only to him in one of their late night talks on tour. He's Michael best friend. There’s no need to overanalyze it.

But then there are the moments that even he can’t ignore. It’s during a meet and greet. Michael is finishing up with a fan, signing one of their 5sos shirts for them, when his eyes slide over to Luke for a second. He’s talking with a young girl, no older than eighteen, with long black hair and piercing blue eyes. She’s beautiful, even more so when Luke makes her laugh at something he says.

Michael focuses back on his own fan, handing her the signed shirt with a smile. He looks back at Luke just in time to see the girl pass him a scrap of paper. Luke watches her as she struts away with a ridiculous, dopey look that Michael itches to smack off his face.

The band wraps up the meet and greet a few minutes later. Michael walks up to where Ashton and Calum have crowded around Luke, giggling like children. “What’s going on?” Michael asks, his tone ringing out sharper than he expected.

Calum plucks the piece of paper out of Luke’s hand and passes it to Michael with a smirk. “Lucas here has a _date_ tonight.”

Michael’s eyes scan over the paper. He sees the name _Elena_ scrawled across in loopy script and directly under it there’s an address. A hotel address. Nausea stirs Michael’s stomach as he gets it. The beautiful girl is inviting Luke to her hotel room to have sex. It’s definitely not the first time he’s witnessed Luke get hit on by an attractive girl or guy, for that matter, so he really shouldn’t feel weird about it.

Michael returns the paper to Luke, keeping his face blank as their eyes meet. Michael tells himself he imagines the expectant look in Luke’s eyes, like he’s waiting for Michael to go on a jealous rampage or something.  “That’s awesome, Luke.” His voice sounds wooden, but thankfully none of them notice.

“Fuck yeah it is,” Calum says, giving Luke a congratulatory thump on his broad back. “At least one of us is getting laid tonight.”

Luke blushes as Ashton laughs and Calum continues teasing him. Anger simmers hot through Michael’s blood. He keeps his mouth clamped shut, sure if he opens it, the raw fury inside of him will burn the whole building down.

Michael waits up in their hotel room that night. If anyone ever asks, he’ll say he was just making sure Luke returned safely. It’s not because he can’t sleep with the image of Luke and some girl wrapped around each other playing in his head, making him feel sick.

In the room behind him, Michael can hear Ashton and Calum’s muffled voices and music playing through the wall. He lets the noise anchor him until finally their hotel room door swings open. A quick glance at the clock tells Michael’s it’s passed 3am. He’s been waiting for Luke for over four hours, sitting in the room by himself like a lapdog. What the hell has happened to him?

Luke steps inside, looking almost exactly the same from when he left their room hours prior. Only his clothes are noticeably rumpled and there’s a huge, purpling hickey on the left side of his neck, followed by a smaller one on his collarbone.

Luke grins when he sees Michael sitting up in his bed. “Hey, you’re still up?”

Michael can’t speak. Jealousy roars through his veins, pounding deafeningly like thunder in his ears. He can’t believe that girl put her hands on Luke, that Luke _let_ her touch him. He wants to be furious with his bandmate for it, but all of Michael’s anger is directed at himself.

He doesn’t want to care. Luke is his best friend, his bandmate. He may let Michael kiss him or blow him sometimes, but it’s just physical. They get lonely and horny when they’re alone on the road, until a girl comes along like tonight and he doesn’t need Michael anymore. Michael should be happy for him, yet he’s the farthest thing from happy then.

“Yep.” Michael says flatly. He buries everything he feels away, though it’s becoming more difficult lately. “Wanted to make sure you weren’t dead. Goodnight.”

Michael lays down, curling up on his side away from Luke. He closes his eyes, willing sleep to come as he hears Luke shuffle around their room. Some of his anger has waned, but it only allowed the hurt he feels to rise to the surface. Michael always hates when Luke’s attention is anywhere away from him, but this is much worse.

The bed dips from a sudden weight on it. Michael’s eyes reluctantly open, finding Luke lying next to him. He looks a bit tired, but otherwise normal and oblivious to how he’s ruining Michael’s life. Luke tries to wrap his leg over Michael’s but the guitarist kicks him away and not very gently.

“No, no way!” Michael springs up, glaring down at the blonde rubbing at his shin. “You don’t get to cuddle with me after you’ve let some groupie put her hands on you!”

Luke’s eyes glint up at him, a smirk spreading slowly over his face. “What, are you _jealous_ , Michael?”

“No.” Michael snaps. “I just don’t want whatever STD you have to pass on to me!”

Luke shakes his head like Michael has just confessed his eternal love for him. Which Michael would never do. Ever. He sits up, crawling closer to Michael until their knees press together, a mere breath between their bodies. Luke takes Michael’s hand and guides it up to his neck. There’s something predatory in his stare. It sends an odd tingle through Michael’s stomach.

“You wish you were the one to suck these hickies on me, Mikey?” Smirk still in place, Luke grazes Michael’s fingers over the dark bruises on his skin. His voice becomes a deep, sensual whisper in Michael’s ears. “Wish you were the one to hear me moan tonight? Wish you could mark me, show the world who I belong to?”

Michael’s hand balls into a fist, but Luke doesn’t let him go, his fingers tightening around Michael’s wrist. He meets Luke’s eyes with the fiercest glare he can come up with. “No.”

“Really?” Luke taunts. His other hand rises, cupping the back of Michael’s warm neck. Luke strokes his thumb over Michael’s cheek. “Your skin is flushed. Your pulse is pounding.” Luke’s blue eyes bore into his, undoubtedly hearing how shallow Michael’s breath has become. “Your eyes are dilated.”

“I don’t want you, Luke.” Michael counters stubbornly.

Luke drops his hand, folding over the bulge raised in Michael’s lap. He gasps as Luke’s fingers rub over his stiff, hardened cock. “Liar.” Luke whispers.

Michael moans, giving in. He’s not strong enough to fight himself or fight Luke then. He pushes Luke back onto the bed and rolls on top of him, needing to be back in control. Michael pins Luke’s arms above his head, trapping the younger boy under his body and kisses him.

It isn’t a gentle, innocent brushing of lips or sloppy and drunk like the times they’ve kissed in the past. This is raw, deep and precise. Michael is going to _show_ Luke who he really belongs to.  It isn’t a challenge. Luke kisses him back hungrily, immediately parting his lips to let Michael slip his tongue through. Luke melts beneath him, giving the older boy complete dominance over him as Michael smears his tongue into his mouth, marking Luke with his taste only. Luke is _his_. Michael may not be ready to declare that out loud or anything, but Luke should know without him having to say it.

Michael breaks their kiss with a pop. He feels Luke’s harsh panting fanning onto his face as he kisses under Luke’s jaw. He lightly scrapes his teeth over the warm skin of Luke’s neck, tasting the salt and sweat before he finds a sensitive spot that makes Luke shudder. Michael pulls away a fraction to blow air onto the area and Luke bucks his body, tugging at the restraints of Michael’s hands. 

“Don’t think so, Lukey.” Michael clicks his tongue admonishingly and licks a thick stripe over the sensitive band of skin. “I don’t feel like releasing you quite yet.”

Luke emits a whine, but the way he blinks his wide eyes at Michael, a smile tucked into the corner of his lips, tells the older boy he very much enjoys being controlled. 

Michael’s curious and very, very tempted. He wonders how far Luke will let him go this time. Michael kisses him again and lowers his body until he’s flush against Luke. He feels Luke’s cock pressed against him, just as hard as Michael is. Michael starts to rock his hips forward, purposefully rubbing into the outline of Luke’s boner through his jeans and Luke bites down harshly on his bottom lip.

Once Luke begins grinding up into him, pushing delicious friction onto Michael’s dick in return, Michael has to end their kiss to gasp. His grip on Luke’s wrists tautens as their hips’ frenzied rocking starts to get him off.  Sweat slicks up his skin as his heart sends hot blood and lust rushing through his veins, flushing the rest of his body.

It’s only as Luke has head his head thrown back, marked neck exposed as he moans in pleasure that Michael realizes. “You little shit.” He gasps.

Luke lifts his head when Michael suddenly stops his movements, blinking at him in bewilderment. “What?”

“You did that on purpose!” Michael accuses. One part of him is annoyed at being played, but the rest of him is impressed with Luke’s skills. “You knew I would get jealous and you knew this would happen! Is that the only reason you slept with her?”

The smug smirk reappears on Luke’s face. “I didn’t sleep with her. We made out for a while, that’s it.” He wraps his legs around Michael’s waist, using his strength to push their crotches together again. “You’re the one I want to fuck, Michael.”

Michael’s heart stutters. He can read the sincerity in Luke’s wide blue eyes, practically feel the arousal thrumming through him that matches Michael’s body perfectly.  Still, he hesitates. Michael is a more cautious person than he lets on and he can see the dangerous slope he and Luke are heading down. There is definitely a rule somewhere that it’s against the band code to fuck your bandmate. Ashton could probably recite it to them.

“Michael.” Luke breaks free of his hold and embraces Michael’s face, forcing the guitarist to look back into his eyes. “I want this. You want this. What’s the problem?”

Michael has wanted Luke a lot longer than he cares to admit.  That’s not the issue here. “The band,” Michael says dryly, because it should be obvious. “Our friendship. Fucking everything up royally. Come on, Luke.”

“We won’t let it.” Luke answers, his tone determined. “It doesn’t have to ruin anything.” Luke kisses him, dragging his soft lips over Michael’s so temptingly.

It would take a much stronger-willed person than Michael is to refuse Luke Hemmings kissing them, saying he wants to have sex with them. Michael gives in to him again—their gorgeous, secretly devious lead singer that has Michael wrapped around his finger and he fucking _knows_ it.

Michael sits back on his heels to peel his shirt off, giving Luke the chance to do the same. They strip hastily, eager now that they know for sure where this is going. As Luke is working his skin-tight jeans off, Michael searches through his bag for his lube and the condoms he always has handy, though he hasn’t used one in forever.

The reminder of it ignites the nerves that flutter in Michael’s stomach as he climbs back on the bed. For all his skill and experience, it has been a while since he’s fucked anyone. Michael really, really doesn’t want his first time with Luke to suck. He has a reputation to uphold as the gay sex specialist in the band, first of all, and Luke is…Luke. He’s important.

Luke catches hold of Michael’s waist after he’s just been sitting there like a frozen moron for a minute, still in his boxers with the lube clutched in his hand. The other boy knows him too well and can most likely spot how nervous he’s become. Instead of teasing the hell out of him, like Michael would have done, Luke sinks his fingers through the ends of Michael’s black hair and combs through the strands gently.

It soothes Michael, just like Luke knew it would. He gazes into Luke’s eyes, feeling his nerves wilting away as he looks into the familiar, stunning color. Luke stops stroking his hair to help take Michael’s boxers off and then lies back on the bed, spreading his legs open for Michael.

“Fuck,” Michael mutters.

Luke smirks up at him, aware of how obscene and sexy he looks right then. People who think Luke Hemmings is just an innocent, vanilla cupcake are completely deceived by the nineteen year old. He’s a little shit and has everyone, especially their band, whipped for him. And Michael kind of loves him for it.

Michael opens the lube and dips his fingers in, letting Luke’s hot stare on him empower him this time. Luke may be the devil, but Michael still knows what he’s doing. He crawls between Luke’s legs and skims his wet fingertips around Luke’s hole, giving him a moment to prepare before Michael nudges a finger inside.

His eyes flick up to Luke’s face, watching carefully as he slowly pumps in and out. Though it’s been years, Michael remembers the first time he got fingered and how uncomfortable it was at first, a foreign sensation that took time to get used to. Luke bites down on his lip, but he seems okay so Michael goes faster. He gives it a minute before he adds a second finger, pushing into Luke a little harder until the younger boy moans softly.

Michael starts to curve his fingers up and finally strokes over the bundle of nerves that makes Luke gasp, his hips jerking up from the bed. “Michael,” he moans.

He slides a third finger in, working into Luke’s prostate until the blonde boy is fucking hips down to meet Michael’s movements. His harsh pants echo in the air between them and Michael admires how quickly Luke is unraveling already, cheeks flushed pink, pupils blown and eyes hazy as he stares up at Michael like he’s in a trance.

“You look so hot, Lukey.” Michael murmurs, the admiration creeping into his voice.

Luke reaches out, weakly touching Michael’s wrist. “That’s e-enough,” he rasps, pausing to whine again. “Fuck. Need you to fuck me, Mikey, please.”

Michael glows at listening to Luke begging for him. That’s something he could never get sick of hearing. “Whatever you want, babe.” He purrs, easing his fingers out.

Luke drops his head back, sucking in deep breaths as Michael sheaths the condom and lube onto his dick. He had nearly forgotten about his own aching cock, so wrapped up in pleasing Luke. Michael climbs over him, but decides then that he wants something else. “Sit up.” He tells Luke quietly.

Luke looks confused but obeys. He lets Michael switch places with him. Michael falls onto his back and settles Luke on top of him, warm thighs resting on both sides of Michael’s, slender hips cupped in the guitarist’s calloused hands.

Michael strokes one hand over himself slowly, prepping, and studies Luke’s face. “Have you ever…?”

The question hangs in the air for a moment before Luke rolls his eyes at him. “We’ve been within 5 feet of each other like every day for the past three years. If I ever tried sleeping with a guy, I think one of you would have noticed!”

Michael snickers at how worked up Luke became, but he knows the blonde boy just as well as Luke knows him, inside and out. Michael can detect Luke’s own anxiety lurking behind his irritation and in the sharp way he’s watching Michael’s every move.

“Why now?” Michael asks quietly. He runs his hand up Luke’s thigh and over his lower stomach, caressing the heated skin in what he hopes is comforting.

Luke’s eyes lock on his, thoughtful, his voice soft. “Because it’s you.”

Michael stays silent, keeping it to himself how Luke’s words seep through his skin and melt everything inside his chest to complete, useless mush. If Luke says anything else, Michael feels in danger of liquefying into a fond puddle at his feet. So Michael averts his eyes from Luke’s intense gaze and focuses instead on driving his cock into Luke’s body. _It’s just sex,_ he reminds himself sternly.

Luke’s eyes close, lips parting open soundlessly as Michael fills him up. He stills once he bottoms out, subconsciously holding his breath as he waits for Luke to be okay. Luke feels so warm and wonderful wrapped around his cock. It takes every drop of strength Michael has to not buck his hips and thrust like he so horribly longs to.

Before Michael can ask if he’s alright, Luke’s eyes open and he nods for him to move. Michael pulls back, thrusting into him deeper each time until Luke’s moans join his own. Luke has his palms pressed flat to Michael’s chest, limbs stiff on top of him, still a bit hesitant. Michael knows how to fix that.

He returns his hands to gripping Luke’s waist and tugs lightly, guiding Luke to grind down. Luke follow his instruction, rotating his hips down just as Michael pushes up into him.  Immediately Luke cries out, the sound ringing throughout the hotel room. Michael, too, feels the crackle of pleasure hit him as their hips meet.

“Michael,” Luke whines, turning breathless as Michael bucks up harder, chasing that amazing feeling again. Luke digs his nails into Michael’s pale chest, eyes wide and darkened slightly with arousal. “Fuck, do that again!”

Michael laughs lowly. “I’m not doing anything. That was all you, babe.”

Luke grinds his ass down onto his cock again, matching Michael’s rhythm, and they find the angle that makes them both moan loudly. “God, yes,” Michael pants, his head tipping back as Luke keeps riding him. “So good, Luke.”

He can feel the pleasure rising in him, burning his body hot with the sweet promise of his approaching orgasm. His stomach clenches as Michael takes Luke’s cock, pumping his shaft in hurried, wet motions to get them both to the edge. Luke’s precome slicks Michael’s hand as the blonde’s jaw locks, his abdomen trembling in warning.

“ _Michael_ ,” is all Luke can gasp out before he comes, spilling over Michael’s fist and some landing on Michael’s taut stomach beneath him.

Luke falls silent, his breath leaving him as he’s lost in pleasure. He’s so beautiful, pink lips caught between his teeth and eyes shut in the perfect picture of ecstasy. His long blonde eyelashes brush over his flushed cheeks, features gradually softening as he comes down from his high.

Michael’s thrusts falter, the orgasm being punched out of him just from watching Luke’s face. Faintly his hears his own breathless grunt in his ears as he comes, shuddering. A few moments later, his eyes flutter open again, still gasping for air as Luke collapses on his chest.

“Fuck,” Luke mumbles, his lips shaping over Michael’s collarbone. “We are doing that _again_.”

Michael hums in agreement, still too drained to speak.

xxxx

It’s like they’ve struck gold. Michael and Luke have discovered the one thing they’re better at together than making music. Michael was pretty happy before, living out his biggest dreams with his best friends by his side, but in the next few weeks, he’s absolutely _ecstatic._

He knows their bandmates are wondering if Michael has lost his mind. He’s cheerful, even first thing in the morning when they have a radio interview (something Michael would bitch incessantly about before) but he can’t control it. It’s impossible not to wake up smiling after he and Luke mastered the art of 69ing the night before.

It doesn’t help that he and Luke are horrible at keeping their cool. They’re finding it difficult to keep their hands to themselves, even on stage, and Luke turns into a giggling dork whenever Michael so much as smirks at him these days. Ashton and Calum start getting suspicious.

They’re lounging in the dressing room one night before a show while Michael is tuning one of his guitars in his lap. That is, until Luke slips back into the room and meets Michael’s eye. He’d been scouting for an empty room for them to hook up in and judging from the wide grin on Luke’s face, he found one.

Michael just about flings his guitar down to get up and sneak out with him, his pulse already quickening and firing blood to his dick as he thinks about fucking Luke, but they’re stopped by Ashton.

“Band meeting.” Their drummer calls out.

“What?” Michael whines. “Why?”

Ashton strides to the center of the room to stand before Michael and Calum, arms crossed over his chest in his default “father of the band” pose. “Because it’s been a while since _all_ of us has bonded together, as a band.” Ashton answers crisply. He narrows his eyes at Michael and then turns his sharp gaze on Luke standing by the door, finding them responsible for the band’s separation, apparently.

Michael flops back in his seat, rolling his eyes to himself. Luke’s face mirrors his disappointment. He casts a small, apologetic smile at Michael before stepping further into the room and taking a seat beside the black-haired boy on the couch. Calum tucks his phone into his pocket, centering his attention on Ashton as well. They’ve all been brainwashed to listen to the eldest of the band, even when they don’t want to.

Michael can feel Luke pressed against his side, the heat from his body wafting over him along with Luke’s scent, citrusy soap mixed with his sharp cologne. None of which is making it any easier for Michael to ignore his swollen cock, trapped and aching behind the restrictive denim of his jeans. Michael itches to adjust himself for some relief, but Ashton’s hawk eyes are pinned on him. Or rather, pinned on him and Luke, sitting practically on top of each other with the rest of the long couch unoccupied.

“Are we gonna actually bond?” Luke’s wry voice cracks the silence of the room. “Or just stare really weirdly at each other?”

“That counts as bonding.” Calum jokes, but he’s looking at them too.

Ashton’s firm tone brings them back to his attention. “Is there something going on, lads? Something you’d maybe like to share with the rest of the band?”

“No sir,” Michael blurts. He does a poor job of concealing how nervous his bandmates’ stares on him make him feel, like he’s doing something _wrong_. Which maybe he is. It sends his defenses shooting up. “Unless you count that note Calum wrote for me. But it’s not really appropriate for class.”

Calum and Luke laugh while Ashton’s lips flatten into a frown at his flippant response. Now Michael definitely feels like the naughty child about to be sent to the principal’s office.

“Fine then,” Ashton counters. “We’re switching rooms tonight. Luke, you’re with me.”

Michael compels his features into a blank expression, not letting them see the disappointment that twists through him. Michael had planned on making creative use out of the Jacuzzi bath in their hotel room with Luke tonight, but that isn’t going to happen.

He somehow withstands the strong urge to shove Ashton’s drumsticks up his nostrils and follows the boys out of the room for soundcheck. Luke catches his hand, squeezing his fingers briefly before they file on stage, so maybe Michael isn’t that pissed after all.

xxxx

By some stroke of luck, Michael falls asleep that night with his phone under his pillow. It’s half drained of its battery by then, but the vibrations wake Michael up without disturbing Calum sleeping in the next bed. Blearily, Michael retrieves his phone and squints at the screen, too tired to wonder who’s contacting him at 2:30am.

It’s a text from Luke. _Open the door I’m outside._

Michael’s lips twitch into a lazy smile. He rolls out of bed, reaching for a pair of sweatpants from his bag to pull on and shoving his boots onto his feet. He eases the door open as quietly as he can, finding Luke standing in the hall. His blonde hair is lying flat and falling into his eyes adorably and he has the damn Blink-182 hoodie thrown on over basketball shorts and flip flops.

“Sexy, Hemmings.” Michael says, playfully raking his eyes up and down Luke’s body.

“I let you come in my ass in Irvine and yet, I’m still ‘Hemmings’.” Luke retorts dryly.

“What would you prefer I call you?” Michael cups Luke’s scruffy jaw, purring. “Sweet Cheeks?”

Luke’s nose scrunches in disgust and Michael bursts out laughing. “I prefer you get out here. Shh, before you wake Ashton. He’ll freak if he finds me gone.”

Michael steps into the hallway and lets Luke take his hand, steering them toward the elevator. “What was his deal today?” Michael whispers as Luke presses the _down_ button. “I thought he might strangle me with his big, Thor arms.”

They enter the elevator when the doors slide open and Luke hits the button for the lobby. Michael doesn’t have a clue where they’re going, but he likes the mystery. “He just doesn’t want the band dynamic to get screwed up.” Luke says and pinches lightly at Michael’s tummy, making him yelp. “And _you_ don’t need to goad him on!”

“Whatever.” Michael grumbles, but he’s not even slightly annoyed anymore. Not around Luke.

The elevator doors open and Michael follows behind Luke as they pass through the dark, silent lobby to a set of glass doors on the other side of the room. The doors evidently lead to the indoor pool and snack bar, but Luke keeps walking passed it. The air is cool in here, causing Michael to rub over his bare arms and wish he brought a hoodie as well.

Luke finally stops when they reach the tall columns that frame the back of the grand room and looks at Michael, wearing a pleased smile. He tilts his head toward whatever lies beyond the columns for Michael to look at. Michael peers through and finds several large Jacuzzis lined up, the bubbling water gleaming bright in the dim corridor. Stone walls are enclosed around them with candle sconces arranged sporadically, giving the area a faint amber glow.

_ Romantic _ __ is the first thought that pops in to Michael’s head. Like a place lovers go to have privacy away from other guests. Michael quickly bats the thought away. The only reason he and Luke are here is to escape their nosy bandmates and fuck in peace. As _friends._

Luke watches him with wide eyes, chewing on his lip ring worriedly. “You don’t like it? I just thought we couldn’t use the one in our room so…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up just to—”

Michael cuts off his rambling with a kiss. He wastes no time as Luke tangles his long fingers through his hair, unzipping the hoodie to push off Luke’s broad shoulders. They undress each other swiftly, having gained a lot of practice in the past weeks. Their clothes lay in a pile at the Jacuzzi’s edge while they sink into the tub slowly.

As they adjust to the water’s scalding temperature, Michael giggles quietly. “Could we get into trouble for this?”

Luke arches a brow at him. “Sneaking into the closed pool area at 3am to fuck? Definitely.” Luke still looks at Michael fondly, like he couldn’t care less about the risk.

Luke corners him against the tub’s heated wall, straddling his waist as he kisses Michael deeply, his tongue sweeping through Michael’s mouth with the taste of grape gum. Michael doesn’t care for the flavor, but he’s more than happy to let it go if it means Luke is going to fuck him again. He only did it once before, but despite Luke’s lack of experience it had been fucking incredible.  

“Wait,” Michael breathes as Luke licks under his ear, biting down on the tender spot that makes the guitarist’s toes curl in the water. “Did you bring lube?”

Luke doesn’t stop, dragging his lips down Michael’s chest, his answer murmured against Michael’s skin. “I wouldn’t invite you down here without bringing lube, Mikey.”

Luke gives a final nip at his chest before he breaks away, swimming to the tub’s edge to grab his shorts. Michael licks his lips as he watches him, admiring the way the water dribbles down his broad, muscled back.  His eyes greedily follow the path of smooth skin into the water to Luke’s narrow hips and firm ass. Calum may hold the title for the best ass in the band, but Luke’s is pretty fine too, in Michael’s opinion.

His trance breaks as Luke returns with the lube in hand. His eyes shine an icy blue under the candles’ light. Michael is so distracted by his bandmate’s beauty he doesn’t register the wicked gleam in Luke’s eye before he grasps Michael’s waist and suddenly lifts him out of the water.

Michael gasps, shivering at the abrupt blast of cold air as Luke sets him down on the edge. “Sorry,” Luke says when Michael glares at him, more amused than apologetic. “I just wanna make sure I prep you right.”

He’s sweet, not that Michael expected anything else from Luke concerning sex. Michael parts his legs, lets Luke work him open with two, deliciously long fingers before he loses all patience. “It’s good,” Michael mutters, his hips jerking as Luke nudges his prostate. Pleasure rocks through him and he fights the urge to close his eyes.

Luke frowns. “You sure?”

“Yes,” Michael snaps, but the word sounds like a whine. “Want you to fuck me already.”

Luke smirks and removes his fingers. He waits as Michael settles back into the water before reaching for him again, placing Michael’s legs around his slim waist. Michael slides his hands up Luke’s chest, scratching lightly at the wet skin just how Luke likes as the blonde boy palms his cock.

His fingernails dig in harder when Luke thrusts into him, his back already arching at the feeling of Luke’s dick inside him. Loud moans surge from both of their mouths, echoing off the walls of the corridor. Luke pauses only for a moment to scan his eyes over Michael before he starts pounding into him. Michael groans, pulling Luke tighter against him with his thighs as he’s fucked, pleasure lighting up his veins.

The water splashes around them, spilling out the tub onto the floor, but Michael doesn’t care. He doesn’t hold back his whining or gasping swears, doesn’t care if he wakes up the whole hotel and the staff finds them like this. It’s too good. Everything else in the world distorts into unimportant blurs of shapes and colors compared to sex with Luke.

Michael’s breath whips out of him when Luke’s cock fucks into his prostate, fireworks flaring up from that one spot and rippling through him. “There, Luke! Fuck right there!”

Michael moans as he hits it again, a telling clench going through his stomach as he feels his orgasm spiraling up, out of his control. “You gonna come, Mikey?” Luke rasps. His skin is nearly glowing from the sheen of sweat on him. Michael can tell from the way Luke is clutching onto the tub’s frame, his biceps flexed, that Luke is close too.

“Yes, shit!” Michael breaks off into a whimper when Luke plows into him faster, suddenly hurtling Michael into his orgasm. He’s barely aware of his body clenching around Luke as euphoria swells in a heavy crest over him, swallowing him up. His untouched cock releases into the water and he hears Luke swear as he comes as well.

When Michael floats down from the incredible high, he finds Luke curled beside him, his arms draped over Michael’s chest. “Can we just stay here tonight?” Luke mumbles.

Michael snorts, running a hand over Luke’s hair. “Don’t think so, babe. Ashton will kill us if he finds us here and we can’t leave Cal alone with him in the band. He needs us.”

“True.” Luke sighs. He looks up at Michael with a warm smile. “That was amazing.”

“Always is.” Michael says, returning his smile. He and Luke were going to be walking zombies tomorrow, but it was definitely worth it.

They stay in the Jacuzzi for a few more minutes to catch their breath and then drag themselves out, back into the freezing air. Michael makes the sacrifice to walk across the pool area still naked, water dripping down his body as he searches for towels for them.

Luke is shaking with laughter when he returns, taking the towel Michael hands him. “I hope you know your bare ass is now on the hotel’s security footage.”

Michael shrugs easily, drying himself off. “It’s probably the best thing they’ve seen all day.”

It’s as he and Luke are yawning and riding up the elevator again that the nagging voice prickles at the back of Michael’s head. It suggests that this was more than just best friends having an adventurous quickie in the middle of the night. Luke had specifically explored the hotel for this place, just to make Michael happy. The thought fills Michael with the inexplicable urge to push Luke as far away from him as possible.

Michael takes a breath to calm his sudden panic. It’s okay. He and Luke are on the same page. He decides to check with Luke, just to be safe. “You and I…” Michael starts, his voice startlingly loud in the silent elevator. “We’re still friends right? We’re having fun?”

Luke blinks at him. His face is unreadable, which surprises Michael. He thought he knew all of Luke’s expressions by now. “Yeah,” Luke says softly. The smile he gives Michael is faint and sends an abnormal pang through his chest. “Of course we’re still friends, Mikey.”

“Good.” Michael whispers.

They spend the walk to their rooms in silence. Michael goes to say goodnight when he reaches his door, but finds Luke has already disappeared inside without a word.

xxxx

He and Luke agree to tone it down in the following week, not wanting to alert their bandmates again. They establish a rule about no sex in public places, especially when Ashton and Calum are around, and only break it twice. So, progress.

The band goes out to dinner with some of their tour crew and their managers one night. It definitely fits the “banding” experience Ashton wanted and then some. Everyone has a good, relaxing time and it feels great to actually sit down and talk with each other in such a setting. The mood is light as they all walk to the buses, so of course Michael’s stupid brain has to ruin it.

Luke falls into step beside Michael and the guitarist smiles softly at him. He hasn’t tired of Luke’s presence, even with all the extra time they’ve been spending together.  More than anything, Michael craves the time they’re alone, not just for the sex, but also the quiet moments after when it feels like they’re the only two souls in the universe. Their own universe.

Luke turns to look at him as they walk, his eyes lit up with sudden excitement. “Oh, I forgot to tell you what Casey said this morning. It was so funny! I was showing him the—”

Michael feels Luke’s hand brush against his. A shock jolts up his arm as Luke tries to slip his hand into Michael’s, thread their fingers together. The old panic seizes a tight hold of Michael’s chest, the breath being squeezed out of his lungs. Michael rips his hand away and stares at Luke incredulously. “What are you _doing_?”

Luke stops, his blue eyes going wide at Michael’s sharp tone. “I don’t…” Michael’s heart hammers against his skin as Luke presses his lips together and shakes his head. “’M sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Luke’s expression is filled with such genuine regret that Michael can’t deny him. “It’s fine.” Michael says quietly, even when it isn’t.

The air between them turns strained with awkwardness. Michael can’t expel the itch in his blood to get away. He averts his gaze from the hurt in Luke’s eyes as he walks ahead, leaving the blonde behind to catch up with Calum. Michael forces his attention on teasing his friend loudly, faking laughs and smiles as his chest remains suffocatingly tight.

Michael can’t sleep that night. He turns over and squirms in his bunk, but his brain won’t shut down, his muscles won’t unclench. A painful mix of guilt and panic makes him feel like he could jump out of his skin at any moment. He sees the hurt on Luke’s face again and again in his mind and feels sick, knowing it’s his fault.

It’s how it always happens with him. Michael always fucks up, one way or another. He cares too much and smothers other people with the excess of his feelings, excess of _him_. Nobody wants him all the time and Michael knows in his heart that Luke will eventually feel that way too, if Michael lets him gets too close. He can’t. He can’t destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to him and lose Luke. Michael wouldn’t survive it.

Still, Michael needs him right then. It feels like the weight of his emotions might crush him and he doesn’t know what else to do. Michael kicks the blankets away from his body and slips out of the bunk. He crosses over to Luke’s bunk and carefully pulls the curtain back. In the darkness of the bus it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust but then he sees Luke’s sleeping figure, curled up on his pillow, his arms cuddling it to his chest. His eyes drink in Luke’s beautiful features, all soft and slackened in his sleep, and Michael’s heart warms with affection for him.

Michael has to tear his eyes away before he gently sinks into the small bunk and tucks his body behind Luke. There’s a slim amount of space from the wall with the way Luke is curled up, but Michael presses close to his warm body anyway and folds his arms around Luke’s waist, resting on his bare stomach. The tautness in Michael’s chest loosens up just being close to Luke again and it feels like he can finally breathe.

xxxx

Michael is prodded out of sleep by a hand firmly rattling his shoulder. “Michael.”

His eyes open blearily, squinting up at Luke’s face. The younger boy is standing over him, his lips turned down in a grimace. He retracts his hand as soon as he sees Michael is awake. “Breakfast.” Luke says flatly.

Michael suddenly recalls last night, memories of their dinner out and falling asleep in Luke’s bunk crashing through his head. He takes in Luke’s hard expression and feels his stomach dip with dread. Luke looks quite pissed at finding Michael in his bed. Even though there were no words on his tongue, Michael still wants to explain.

“Luke…” He begins, his voice thick from sleep.

Luke’s blue eyes flash angrily, shutting him up. “Don’t.”

The blonde boy straightens up and stalks away from the bunks, leaving Michael lying there with his stomach still twisting uncomfortably. He deserves it, Michael knows, but it hurts nonetheless. With a heavy sigh, Michael drops out of Luke’s bunk and goes to join his bandmates for a tension-filled breakfast.

The day goes the same way as it began. Whenever Michael attempts to approach Luke to talk about the night before, Luke walks away. Or, when they’re trapped within the same room, makes himself busy by engaging whoever is near him in conversation and ignoring Michael completely. Each time Michael gets more frustrated and more tempted to tackle the lead singer to the ground where he can’t escape.

It isn’t until their show that night that Michael finally gets Luke alone, just a few minutes before they’re due on stage. He finds Luke in the bathroom, leaning over the sinks as he fixes his hair in the mirror. He doesn’t have to do much to it now that it’s shorter, but Michael knows it’s just a habit of Luke’s, and the rest of them, to mess with their hair.

Michael clears his throat and Luke eyes flit to him through the reflection. He looks surprised for a moment before it fades to irritation. “Not now, Michael.” He snaps.

“When?” Michael demands. He’s lost patience with Luke avoiding him at this point. “Look, I’m sorry about—about before. I just freaked out.”

Luke scoffs, making Michael glare at him when he turns around. Luke’s blue eyes collide with his and Michael reads the hurt there, buried deep behind his anger. He hates it and hates himself for not knowing how to fix it. “I get it.” Luke says quietly. He tries to sound unbothered, but resentment runs clear through his voice. “I’m not your boyfriend.”

Michael fights back a flinch and forces himself to hold Luke’s gaze. He doesn’t say that’s what they both wanted. It doesn’t seem right then.

xxxx

Michael stumbles and Calum’s hands slip from loosely fitted around his waist to on his ass. “Hey!” Michael cries, loud enough for Ashton to shush him. “Are y-you trying to cop a feel, Hood?”

“Please,” Calum snorts, the sarcasm lost in the drunken slur to his words. “Everyone knows I’m a boob man, Mike.”

Luke giggles suddenly, his head lolling on Ashton’s shoulder. “Boobs,” he echoes.

This makes Michael and Calum crack up as well. Ashton gets the door to his and Calum’s room open and drags Luke inside behind him. Still smiling senselessly, Michael staggers into the room with Calum hanging off his waist. The bassist loses his grip again and flops onto his bed. Michael follows behind him, rolling into Calum’s open arms as his friend giggles.

“Easy, Hemmo.” Ashton say beyond him, giggling over his words. Michael rolls his head to rest on Calum’s chest and glimpses across the room to where Luke is sprawled on Ashton’s bed. The blonde boy is glaring at him and Calum.

It takes Michael’s alcohol-fogged brain a while before he understands why Luke would be glaring at them. It’s all Luke’s been doing the past three days. “Luke’s mad at me.” Michael announces to Calum, though he fails it to make a whisper. He sees Luke roll his eyes.

Calum pats his head consolingly before Michael has to stumble to his feet and rush to the bathroom to puke. Michael returns to Calum’s bed once he’s through and dimly registers Ashton setting up the trash bin between the two beds before he passes out.

Michael wakes up only a few hours later, finding it still dark outside. The alcohol is still coursing through his system, which isn’t surprising to Michael considering how wasted he’d gotten that night. They were all drunk, but Michael is definitely the worst. He sits up in the now empty bed and hears what sounds like Luke retching in the closed bathroom. Michael’s heart aches to go take care of him, but he knows he’ll just be rejected again.

The bed is empty then. Michael spots Calum relocated on Ashton’s bed, with the drummer asleep beside him. Calum meets his eyes and shakes his head slowly. “You’re an idiot, Clifford.”

“What?” Michael mumbles. He starts to sit up but halts once nausea turns his stomach once more. 

He can tell from Calum’s voice that the other boy has sobered up slightly. “Pushing Luke away, for whatever stupid reason you have this time.”

The black-haired boy settles for leaning his head back on the pillow. In his state he doesn't bother wondering how Cal knows about his and Luke's situation or if he's just skilled at reading his best friends. “I’m fucked up, Cal. Luke wouldn’t want me.”

“Luke _loves_ you, dumbass.” Calum retorts unsympathetically. “He loved you even when you had tragic emo hair in year 10.”

“My hair was awes-some!” Michael exclaims in protest, needing to defend his hair's honor. “Luke’s awesome too." He rambles to his oldest friend. "So nice and gentle and caring. His heart is like, made of fairy dust and shit. I don’t wanna ruin him, Cal.”

“You’re not toxic, Michael.” Calum says, softer now, before the bathroom door opens.

The four boys nurse their hangovers the next day by not leaving the hotel room, ordering room service and watching random movies on the television. The fourth day continues with Luke not speaking to Michael outside of band things, though Michael catches him staring numerous times. He’s too hungover and exhausted to call him on it.

The next day he’s back to his normal health and fed up with Luke’s silence. Michael can’t stand the distance between them any longer and misses his best friend so much it pains him. In the morning Michael walks to the Starbucks close by their hotel and orders Luke’s favorite drink. He hunts the blonde boy down in his and Calum’s room.

“Luke.” Michael stands by the door with his drink and waits for him to look over from the couch. Beside him, Calum flashes Michael a thumbs up that he ignores. “Can we talk?”

Luke’s face still wears the same stoic expression, but he gets up and follows Michael back to his hotel room. Thankfully Ashton is out and they have the space to themselves. Once the door shut behind them, Michael hands Luke his coffee.

“I’m sorry,” Michael murmurs. “I don’t know what else to say but…I miss you, Luke.”

Luke takes a few sips of the coffee before he sets it down, turning his intense stare back on the guitarist. Michael catches Luke looking at him like that sometimes and it never fails to unnerve him. His piercing blue eyes drink Michael in silently for a long time and Michael is too scared to break it. He has no idea what’s going through Luke’s mind, until he suddenly pulls Michael in.

Luke kisses him roughly, a hard crush of his lips, ripping the breath from Michael’s lungs with the passion behind it. No one has ever kissed him like that before. Luke’s fingers press firmly into his jaw, his other hand gripping the back of Michael’s hair. It feels like he’s pouring every piece of himself into the kiss and Michael feels overwhelmed, undeserving of it.

His cheeks are burning hot when Luke breaks away. “Luke,” Michael murmurs breathlessly as their lips slide away from each other. “What—what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Luke whispers. He brushes their mouths together again, licking over Michael’s bottom lip. “Get on the bed.”

Michael almost stops him, thinking they should talk more about everything before they jump into bed again. But he missed this horribly too and he reasons if Luke wanted to talk, they could have. He lets Luke undress him, lets the other boy have as much control as he desires as Luke lays him back on the bed.

With his jeans halfway on and unzipped, Luke kisses down Michael’s bare chest and meets Michael eyes, a special heat behind them making his blue orbs glint. “Did you miss this, Mikey?” Luke asks throatily. 

“Yes,” Michael breathes, shuddering. He'd been so afraid he and Luke would never have this again. 

Luke doesn’t smile. He’s concentrated at marking Michael’s chest with his teeth, running his wet lips across Michael’s trembling stomach. Luke eventually gets his jeans and boxers off and blows Michael so good he wants to cry. It’s heaven inside Luke’s hot mouth and Michael could easily get off on it alone, but he wants more tonight. He pulls Luke off and kisses the blonde boy before he could finish, moaning as he tastes his own precome bitter on Luke’s tongue.

There’s something different about this time that Michael can’t place. Once their clothes have been stripped to the floor and the lights dimmed, Luke tugs Michael flush on top of him. Their swollen cocks brush as Luke embraces Michael’s face, stares deep into his eyes again. It’s like Luke is trying to tell him something, but Michael struggles to grasp what it is. 

“I want you to fuck me, Michael.” Luke says lowly, making the older boy shiver at the blunt words spilling from Luke’s mouth. “I want you your cock deep inside me, fucking me hard until I scream your name and everyone can hear me. I want to feel you everywhere. I want bruises on my skin and an ache between my legs tomorrow that reminds me of this so I can’t ever forget.”

“ _Fuck_ , Luke.” Michael rasps. He couldn’t imagine Luke talking like that before, but it burns his blood hot and thick through his veins. Michael needs to touch him.

He does as the younger boy requests. It’s impossible not to, with the way Luke clings to his body, growls in Michael’s ear to fuck him harder and harder. The sounds Luke makes that night are unreal, loud frenzied moans and shouts as he claws at Michael’s back and leaves red scratches for him to find. Michael returns the favor, pressing fingerprint bruises into Luke’s pale thighs as he fucks him raw and deep.

It’s the most passionate sex Michael has ever had, but when it’s over and Luke has long since fallen asleep beside him, he feels strangely hollow. Luke had been wild and hot as hell, but Michael couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a large part of the blonde boy that had been closed off the entire time, out of Michael’s reach. Michael snuggles with Luke and it brings him some peace as always, but it still takes another hour to turn his mind quiet and fall asleep.

Michael wakes up the next morning to the sound of running water in the bathroom. He blinks the sleep from his eyes and sits up, taking a glance at the clock. It’s only 9am. Michael thinks this is one of the rare mornings he might actually join his bandmates for breakfast in the hotel’s restaurant.

The bathroom door swings open and Luke steps out, his eyes widening slightly when he sees Michael is awake. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Michael smiles. He sees Luke is already showered and dressed, which is even more unusual than him being up. “Do you wanna get some breakfast? I’m having a craving for bacon.”

Luke drifts over from the door and sits down at the edge of Michael’s bed. His face is nearly blank, except for the deep frown on his lips. “No, Michael. We actually need to talk.”

Michael stills, his blood turning cold in his veins. “What?”

Luke lifts his eyes from the white comforter and looks at him, his blue orbs reflecting nothing but sadness. Luke looks like he might cry. Michael feels his muscles clenching in response, ready to rip into whoever hurt Luke, on pure instinct. He doesn’t know what to do when the person who is hurting Luke is _him._

“I can’t do this anymore, Michael.” Luke breathes out, the words expelling from his mouth in a shaky exhale. “I can’t pretend it means nothing when it _does._ ”

“What are you…” Michael’s mind take a moment to catch up. It clicks together, though he wishes it wasn’t true. Michael swallows thickly, his tongue weighing heavy. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Luke looks away from him, blinking his eyes rapidly. “We aren’t together.” He pauses. “I’m sorry. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have let you, not when I knew how I felt…”

It doesn’t make sense. None of what he is saying is making sense. “What are you talking about?” Michael asks incredulously. “What do you mean how you felt? You said it didn’t have to ruin anything!”

“I know what I said.” Luke snaps, whipping his head back towards him. His expression softens instantly. “We have to stop, for good. Last night was the last time. I can’t do it anymore.”

Michael reaches out to him, feeling desperate. He needs to erase that pained look from Luke’s face. “Luke—”

Luke stands up before Michael can touch him. He turns his back and strides out of the room, leaving Michael even more stunned than before. He doesn’t think Luke has ever turned away from him before, ever rejected Michael like this.

Michael sits back in the bed. He can do nothing but stare dully across the room as raw hurt lodges behind his sternum and makes it impossible to breathe. Michael thought he knew what a broken heart felt like. Nothing hurts worse, however, than knowing he’s broken Luke’s heart too.

xxxx

Michael is forced to visit his most trusted source for advice. He knocks on Ashton’s door, grateful for once that they’re all sequestered in individual rooms at this hotel. The door pops open and Ashton greets him with a surprised but happy smile. “Hey Mike.”

“Hey,” Michael nods. “Can I, um, talk to you for a minute?”

Ashton’s eyes glint in understanding. Their drummer isn’t stupid. He can likely guess this is about him and Luke. All of Ashton’s and Calum’s attempts to get them speaking and work their problems out had failed so far. “Sure.”

Ashton lets him in and Michael retreats to the small couch framed against the wall, facing the bed. Ashton drops down in front of him and waits patiently. “So,” Michael starts quietly. “I have this friend.”

Ashton snorts loudly before he covers his mouth with his hand. “Sorry. Please continue.”

Michael glares at him. “Right. Well, this friend decided it would be a good idea to start hooking up with his ban—uh, dance partner. He and his partner had really awesome sex and they agreed it was something fun they could do. No strings attached or whatever. Until the partner one day said it had to stop and now they can’t talk to each other. Now it’s awkward and my friend doesn’t know how to fix it.”

“Hmm,” Ashton nods thoughtfully. His eyes pierce into Michael like he can read through him. “Is there perhaps more to this story than that, Michael?”

Michael lets out a breath and admits, “Well, maybe my friend was scared of what would happen if he and his dance partner became more than that. Maybe his partner tried to get closer to him and my friend pushed him away.”

“And why would he do that?” Ashton asks softly.

“Because he didn’t want to ruin the best relationship in his life. Because he didn’t think his partner could ever really love him.” Michael sighs, hearing how watery it sounds as his throat aches, holding back his tears. “I fucked up, Ash.”

“I know,” Ashton answers gently, voice soothing.

Michael peers up at him distraughtly. “What do I do?”

Ashton sighs. “Look Michael, you and Luke could never have platonic sex or whatever. It’s not possible. You love each other too much for it to mean nothing. I get that you’re scared, but if there is one person you never have to worry about breaking your heart, it’s Luke. He ended things because he knows he’s in love with you and he doesn’t think you feel the same way. He didn’t want to lie to you anymore.”

Michael presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, forcing the tears back as Ashton’s answer simmers in his head. It doesn’t surprise him that Ashton already knows and Luke talked to him first. Calum and Ashton are right. He’s been so stupid, pushing away the one person he can trust the most with his heart, his favorite person.

Once it feels like he won’t outright sob, Michael lowers his hands and looks at the drummer. “I can’t lose him,” he whispers.

“You won’t.” Ashton says. He sounds certain and it gives Michael a spark of hope. “But you know what you have to do now.”

Michael nods. “Yeah, I know.”

xxxx

_ Come outside. I need to talk to you. _

Michael takes a deep breath and hits send before he can back out of it. His body feels lit up with taut nerves, ready to burst with how anxious he is. This is probably the most important thing he’s ever done—and on a list that includes touring with One Direction and playing a sold-out show at the Forum, no less. But Luke has always meant more to him than concerts or celebrities or even making music. Before any of that, there was Luke and Michael isn’t going to ever forget that again.

“Stubborn ass,” Michael mutters after five minutes pass with no response. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and pushes off the wall, banging on Luke’s hotel room door until the door rattles violently. “Luke Robert Hemmings! I _know_ you’re in there! Stop ignoring me!”

Still, there is no answer. Michael squelches the impulse to start kicking at the door and resorts to threats instead. “If you don’t come out here, I’m going to start serenading you at the top of my lungs! I can make this whole damn floor _really_ uncomfortable!”

Michael begins to knock on the door in a random rhythm, waiting for Luke to open up or at least snap at him from inside. When nothing happens, Michael clears his throat and sings at full volume. “YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME, I KNOW YOU CARE! JUST SHOUT WHENEVER AND I’LL BE THERE! YOU ARE MY LO—”

The door flies open and Luke’s dark, irked expression cuts off his song. “Oh my god, stop!” Luke shouts as Michael bites back his laugh.  “What do you want, Michael?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Michael blurts out.

In the stunned silence that follows, Michael can clearly hear the loud clamor of his racing pulse. It’s somehow more terrifying than stepping out onto a bright stage for the first time and feeling hundreds of eyes watching him.

Luke stares at him so long that Michael wonders if he imagined saying the words at all. Then finally he asks quietly. “ _What_?”

“I’m really lame, sometimes.” Michael admits softly. He hates being this vulnerable, even with Luke, but he hopes it will be worth it. “I tell bad jokes that most people don’t find funny. I’m not good at being smooth or appropriate and most of the time I wish I could change a lot of things about me. I don’t understand why someone as beautiful and amazing as you would want me.”

Michael pauses to breathe. He can feel his hands trembling and curls them into tight fists. “But I realized that you never make me feel insecure when I’m around you. You chase away all the demons that I have, Luke. When we were together I was happier than I’ve ever been in like my whole life. So, um. I want us to be together, like really be together, for more than just sex. If you still want me.”

Luke listens to his speech with a thoughtful look on his face, surprise reflected in his blue eyes. When Michael’s through Luke gifts the guitarist with a wide, fond-filled smile he has seen a thousand times before, _his_ smile. “I’m in love with you, Michael. Of course I still want you.”

He can’t believe Luke said those words to him. Even after hearing Calum and Ashton confirm as much, hearing it from Luke himself is incomparable. “I love you too,” Michael breathes before Luke embraces him, kisses the rest of the breath out of Michael’s lungs.

Michael pulls him in as close as possible, relishing the soft sound Luke makes into his mouth as their tongues brush. He greedily inhales Luke’s familiar scent, wanting to imprint every moment of this into his memory forever. Luke _loves_ him. He loves Michael back. The thought charges through his body with electric joy, brings him a high that not even performing on stage can beat.

They reluctantly break apart, though Michael still clings onto Luke’s waist. Luke kisses up his jaw, smiling against his skin as he moves. “And you’re not lame,” Luke whispers in his ear. “You’re wonderful.”

For the first time, Michael believes it. 

**Author's Note:**

> *Title is taken from Jet Black Heart by 5sos. It's by far my favorite song they've ever written and inspired a lot of this fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Follow me on [tumblr](http://mychemicalcliffordd.tumblr.com/)


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